This can't be happening.......again.

Wow. What an emotionally draining day. Never did I think that today would be anything like today. I don't even know what to say. I don't know what Im supposed to say. My brother chuckie, who is 15 months older than me, had some tumors taken out the other day. The doctors told us not to worry. That they didnt think it was anything to be concerned about. They were wrong. My dad called me today to tell me that he had found out that he has cancer. It seemed like everything went so fast after that. I immediately headed to my parents home. Dad said that he hadn't told my mom yet, and I knew that this would be hard on her. On the way there I just couldn't understand really what was going on. How could this happen? He is only 29. Since when do 29 year olds get colon cancer? Why us? why our family. We had already been through this. We already lived through this. How could this happen again? And I know that you shouldnt think of the worst things, but I already had a brother that had cancer, and I can't help but think of the worst. But what did we ever do wrong? what did my brother ever do wrong? I know there are people out there, horrible horrible people who deserve this much more than my brother does. I mean today alone I read how some people in the same small town, beat the shit out of their 5 week old baby. Why don't they have it. Hell yes I would wish that upon them. Why doesn't someone who deserves this have it. I don't understand it. I sit here trying to come to grips with this. But how am I really supposed to understand this? It just doesn't seem real. I feel like my heart is broken. My brother and sister in law have dealt with so much bad luck lately, and I wish that I could take it from them. And I know people say that but don't always mean it, but I do. I am the one that is always sick. Im always the one who has been in and out of hospitals. Shouldn't I be the one that should be dealing with this? I know I deserve this much more than he does. I don't know. Im so exhausted right now. My head is pounding. I don't even know what to do right now other than go to sleep.